Becoming Something New in Empty Nest
Chatting with young people in bars in Florida
Hello again! We had a wonderful trip. Obligatory picture of the southern most point of the US:
As we traveled we enjoyed being versions of ourselves that we don’t always let out. I got me thinking about who we are becoming in this stage of our life.
One night were sitting at a wine bar where we met a young man, a little older than our son, who was there alone. His friends had partied a little too hard the night before and didn’t want to leave their room so he went out to grab a glass of wine and an appetizer while they recovered. We struck up a conversation about the area, about other travels, and broadly life. At one point he commented that one of his friends had gone off, got married, had kids and moved to the suburbs (he said it nicer than that but with a sense of being left). We nodded in agreement as two wild and crazy empty nest extroverts who are wondering how our life could start revolving around sitting at an outdoor wine bar a couple blocks from the Atlantic in southern Florida all winter long, who are very over our raising kids in the suburbs stage of life, and who want to know why all our friends don’t want to join us.
We are excitedly leaving that stage of our life and he is trying to hold it off a little longer. We were basically the same. :)
It has me thinking about who we become as we age, who we are becoming. John and I actually did not do the partying college stage of life, we did not go down to Ft Lauderdale with friends for spring break (or engagement parties as in our new wine bar friend’s case), our adult life pretty much launched straight to boring married couple in the suburbs1. We did manage to wait a few years to have kids but that mostly meant ordering pizza more than once a week and occasionally coming up with enough money to meet friends at a country bar where we had one drink and watched people line dance. (We didn’t know how and weren’t about to embarrass ourselves just going out there and learning it.)
Our early careers were intertwined. We had a small business together, I raised the kids and kept the books while John was out designing and remodeling houses. It was good and hard, fun and exhausting. We loved our life, loved raising kids, loved the suburbs. But not enough to be those people forever. And none of us were meant to be in one place forever. Kids grow up and move out, we age, the world around us changes and we change with it.
Our empty nest years aren’t looking like a revisiting, even conservatively, of our youthful pre kid life and it isn’t looking like a freed up version of our child rearing years. We are becoming something else, new people who try new things, who talk to people at bars. One of us might even jump on the dance floor to learn a line dance, the other still doesn’t do that…
John and I are both finding career paths we had never thought about before. I am coming home from this trip to several meetings about this church thing2 I told you about a few weeks ago and getting excited about where it is going. We have always worked but our careers have never defined us and how we spend our time quite like they are beginning to in this new season. Learning to share our lives when big chunks of our time do not overlap has been a new experience to think through and embrace.
As we age we get further and further from who we started out as. But I also think we become more and more who we always were underneath the fears and doubts and inexperience that went along with our youth. We don’t wonder anymore what we “should” be doing with our time, what others expect of us. Instead we ask ourselves what we want to do based upon who we know ourselves to be, what God is calling us to do, and who we are becoming.
Who are you becoming in this season of your life?
Related/Unrelated:
I’ve noticed at this stage of my life, trends circle around. What was once old is new again. I keep telling my friends that even if your kids don’t want grandma’s good wedding china right now, in a few years some influencer will “discover” china at a thrift store, style it with whatever modern trend is happening at the time and everyone will be calling mom to find out what she did with those amazing dishes grandma had. Trust me.
As I see trends of my youth coming around a second time I am finding I am more willing to name what I like and don’t like. I don’t have to like everything that comes alone. I can hold on to something I like past its style moment. I can really enjoy being uniquely me. I tried on all the trends the first time, this time I am being more discerning. This time I am skipping things I didn’t like. I am trying things I was afraid of before. I am holding on to things past their trendiness just because they still make me happy.
It’s fun to get old.
What is something you are holding on to even though you are the only one who still thinks it is awesome? I’ll go first…
In all fairness to the boring life in the suburbs stage…Another night we chatted at a different bar with a young couple from the Kansas suburbs who have a 4 and 7 year old they had left with Grandma for the week to go on a cruise. We bonded with them for a couple hours and gave them encouraging parenting advice. They clearly are having a cooler “boring” stage than we had.
I could relate to so much if this. My MIL just passed away and as we were going through her things, I said the same thing about China. “It will come back. (After we’ve gotten rid if it, of course).” But what about Precious Moments? That’s what I’ve got a bunch of. I know my kids won’t want them, and they’re out of style, but I just can’t seem to part with them! 🤷♀️
“We are becoming something else, new people who try new things…” yes! But this is also part of the scary part of aging…. But also exciting! Thanks for this!