I Wonder...
Is my language squashing my curiosity?
“I think…”
This month as I foster my imagination through curiosity I have been struck by how often I say, “I think…” when what I really mean is, “I wonder…” I tend to announce the things I am thinking about like fully formed ideas rather than just things I am processing out loud. Like putting words in a thought bubble that I can then look at, move around and see if they work or not. And what I am wondering is, does using the language, “I think” end up accidentally creating a need to make that statement work rather than give me permission to continue thinking about it and wondering if there are other ways of looking at something? Am I accidentally cutting off my curiosity?
I “think” about a lot of ideas for how my family could function better. Such as, “I think you should apply for this or that job”. What if instead I said, “I wonder if this job would be a good one to apply for?” Because honestly, I do not know what job is right for my currently job hunting daughter1. I wonder if I used the more curious “I wonder” when making suggestions if it might create the kind of dialogue I am actually seeking to have with her rather than a defensiveness because she doesn’t want to collect water from storm sewers this summer.
I wonder if changing my language to more curious phrases will allow me to begin to understand different people, different cultures, different experiences with a more open perspective. What if my goal was to ask questions and learn rather than figure out the final answer and conclude the conversation.
I also wonder if there are other ways my language blocks curiosity. Are there other phrases I could adjust to open myself up to more curious thinking?
How about adding “What if…” to ideas rather making statements. “What if we did that thing” rather than “No, we can’t do that thing”. “What if the government did have pictures of aliens” rather than “That’s stupid there are no such things as aliens”
What if I said, “I don’t know. let’s find out” rather than trying to create an answer from my limited knowledge base and creating a foundation based on misinformation that crumbles when challenged.
I don’t know, let’s find out.
What phrases do you use that help you stay curious rather than close minded?
Mother’s Day
It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and I am seriously considering wearing a tiara to church tomorrow. I won’t but it would be fun. Maybe I will for lunch. :) I actually wore one at my birthday lunch with friends and everyone kept smiling at me. I forgot for a while I was wearing it and just thought it was a friendly restaurant. ha ha. We should all wear tiara’s more often.
That said, I have mixed feelings about mother’s day. I love being a mom, I love my mom, I think mom’s in general are awesome. Woo, let’s celebrate us! And also, forced celebrations of people can be exhausting. OK everyone say something nice about mom today!
But also since everyone can’t be a mom acknowledge the sadness of people who aren’t being celebrated as moms and want to be. And also, all the moms whose kids don’t like them and all the kids whose moms don’t like them. They have to be seen on this day where we celebrate mothers too. And if your mom has died and you are sad about that we don’t want to trigger your sadness by being too happy we have a living mom to celebrate. We don’t want anyone too feel bad on this day we celebrate mom’s.
Do we feel this bad on Father’s Day? I just don’t think I have observed this same level of holding every single person’s feelings about a holiday on Father’s day as I tend to experience on Mother’s day.
I wonder2 though if maybe that is the truest form of celebrating mom’s? We do tend to hold our kids feelings throughout out life. We see them, we worry about them, we encourage them, we guide them, we celebrate them, we hold all of them inside us. And maybe a day where we are celebrated would not be a true tribute to us if we didn’t also see the feelings of everyone around us struggling with this day in one way or another and hold a little space for that too.
So tomorrow I will enjoy being celebrated by my daughter who is coming over to spend the day with me. I will hold space for the continued sadness of not hearing from my other child and then will go over to my mom’s and teach her how to use the Creami my sister and I bought her for mother’s day in hopes she and my dad can enjoy a slightly healthier version of their nightly ice cream treat.
How are you celebrating or holding space for a mom in your life?
I like to say I am just throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. I don’t know what the actual answer to her life is. However, I am unsure she knows what throwing spaghetti against the wall means and if telling her I am doing that is helpful or just another frustrating thing I am saying when she is feeling stressed.
See what I did there?